What kind of couch would you be?
When you would look into 100 living rooms, the chances of finding 2 identical couches are quite slim. You would see huge couches, small ones, the ones so soft you disappear into them, the firm ones, all different kinds of colors, couches made out of leather, soft fabric, wood, pallets with a mattress on it, very streamlined or filled with pillows in all shapes and colors. And you can go on and on. Point is: there is no standard. And we don’t see anything weird in that, everyone has their own taste, right? Taste is really personal, we don’t all like the same couch. Makes perfect sense.
So why do we still believe that there is a standard when it comes to human bodies? Especially women (me included) are raised with the idea that you have to look a certain way to be beautiful. For me, it took 30 years before I started to realize that beauty is not a standard. If you ask 100 men to describe what they find beautiful in their partner, they would all say something unique. And I hear you thinking ‘Oh, but a lot of them would mention her breasts, hot ass or tiny waist’ (I still have that voice in my head as well). And yes, some men might still say this. But I believe that most men that say that do not really ‘see’ their partner. They are still looking through the eyes of society, what is received as beauty by the ‘standard’ and what does it say about them when they have a partner with that ‘beauty’? It’s all about their ego, doesn’t say a lot about you.
If a man really looks at his partner through his own eyes, with love, the answers will probably be more specific.
‘I love that dimple that appears in her cheek when she doesn’t get her way’
‘I am mesmerized by the light in her eyes when she talks about her passion’
‘I can trace all the curves of her body with my fingertips for hours’
‘I love that she is so tiny that I can pick her up and wrap her around my body without any effort’
‘Her laugh makes my insides melt’
‘I love how her body starts trembling when we make love’
‘When her voice rises when she’s mad I know her fire is about to come out…. oh yes…’
‘The way she moves made me fall in love with her instantly’
‘When she talks, her eyebrows move along with her lips. It is irresistible’
‘I love how her but is too big for me to hold in my hands’
‘Those freckles on her belly that form a little triangle are so cute’
Beauty is NOT a standard. It is unique. It is in the eye of the beholder. It is a fucking art.
So stop trying to be something else than your unique self. You are Beauty. You are a gift to this world, exactly how you are. Stop trying to dim your light, your greatness. You know what? Turn it up! Turn up your light and go shine it into the world, because it needs you. Exactly for who you are. Inside AND out. Stop apologizing for how you look. Don’t hide parts of you. Maybe the parts you’re hiding are exactly those parts that make a man fall in love with you. Your unique parts. Go out there and be you!
You. Are. Beauty.
All of you.
I love you.
PS1. And if you are not happy with the way you look, purely for yourself… take responsibility! Own it and go do something about it. But only for yourself, not because you think you have to be different for anyone else.
PS2. I would love it if you add the beauty you see in your partner/lover/friend/ex as a remark on this post.